“Mom, he took my toy!”

“No, I don’t want to share my toys with her. I hate her!”

“We found you in the trash can.”

Sound familiar? Sibling rivalry can be healthy—to an extent. But after a while, if the relationship between siblings turns sour, then you’re in for a massive headache. And we feel or you.

If that’s been the case; don’t worry. Know there’s light at the end of the tunnel. And we’re here to help!

Use these simple but effective strategies to get your littles ones to get along.

Stay Calm, Quiet and In Control

Pay attention to what your kids are doing so you can intervene before a situation begins or escalates. Keep your cool and your kids will learn to do the same.

Remember that kids absorb whatever is going on around them and learn from their environment. If you and your partner have a habit of fighting in front of the kids, that needs to stop now.

Create a Cooperative Environment

Avoid comparing your children, favoring one over the other or encouraging competition between them. Instead, create opportunities for cooperation and compromise.

Don’t forget to set a good example, too. How parents interact with one another sets an example for how their children should interact.

If your children see that you or your spouse slams doors or have loud arguments, they’re more likely to do the same and see it as a proper way of handling their problems.

Celebrate Your Kids Individually

Children are less likely to fight if they feel you appreciate each of them as an individual.

Start by avoiding labels and pigeonholing and let each child know that they’re special to you by spending time with them individually. If one child loves to run around outside, grab your sneakers and soak up the sunshine with them. If the other child likes to spend time reading their favorite book, snuggle up next to them. Then, make sure that everyone has the space and time they need to be alone.

Define Family Values

It’s also helpful to establish shared family values like respect, kindness, and supporting one another. Creating a family manifesto is a great way to provide a sense of unity and direction for your family.

Again, getting the children involved in the creation process makes this strategy far more powerful.

Model Healthy Conflict Resolution

Children learn social skills from observing the adults in their lives. Model the use of “I feel” statements rather than blaming, and active listening rather than ignoring or minimizing the feelings of others. You can also model cooling down when you’re upset, navigating healthy compromise, and treating others with respect.

If you struggle with managing emotions/conflict, now is a great time to start practicing! After all, it will be difficult to teach or model skills you haven’t learned yet.

As you slip up along the way (as is natural), own your mistakes. Say something like, “Oops. I should have taken a minute to cool down before I said that. Are you willing to let me try again?” This, too, teaches a valuable lesson to your children.

Read to Them About Sibling Friendship

Reading to them books that focus on sibling friendships and relationships will show them that their sibling is not a threat but their friend. Seeing the potential their relationship has will help your kids realize that conflicts can be solved and that blood is thicker than water.

We recommend reading The Legend of the Lost Lilies by Joan Vincent, which is about two sisters, thirteen-year-old Emelyn and nine-year-old Abitha, who move with their parents from the bustling city of Boston to a 200-year-old farmhouse nestled in the shadows of the White Mountains.

One night their father tells them the story of the "lost lilies," a garden planted in memory of a young boy who died more than a century ago. Despite his warning not to search for the garden on their own, the girls set out to find the flowers that had so mysteriously disappeared.

The story is about sibling love, family, and friendship, and perfect for kids aged 9 and above.

The book is available on Amazon.